You are not the person you were

What happened in the last one year?
You didn't tell anybody the battles you fought
It was your first time so you lost
But did it hurt? Did it drive you crazy?
You are numb and thoughts are hazy

Did you give another shot? Did you try once again?
Did all the efforts went in vain?
Hallucinations as if I was on marijuana
No one came, no one came

When I needed them the most
When I thought
I won't be alone, in the struggle and all of them left
The courage, the strength and the support I had
Everything left
when the panic attack I had!

It was out of blue and sweaty palms, dried lips, skin turned red and claustrophobic head
Tears were rolling down
Was laughing like a clown
Wanted to end myself
The rat poison on the shelf

Extended my arm
To calm
The pain I felt that moment
The thoughts were my biggest opponents
Everything got blurry and I lost it!
I don't know anything what happened?