Frustration is not a weakness or a flaw in an individual's personality, rather it often hints towards an unmet need, boundary, or expectation. Jeronimus and Laceulle (2017) defined frustration as, "irritable distress after a wish collided with an unyielding reality." In simpler terms, frustration is the emotional discomfort that builds up in a person when something they deeply hoped for or needed meets resistance and doesn't turn out the way they expected.

Rather than trying to repress it, let's pause and ask, "what is this emotion trying to tell me?" This is what the article is about- frustration as a messenger, not a flaw.

Why Feeling Frustrated Means You Care

We experience brief and intense emotions on a daily basis which is a significant part of our life. These emotions show us that we care- about ourselves, our values, beliefs, others, and the world. They influence how we make decisions and the way we interact with the environment. Emotions like anger, irritation, sadness, and disappointment are linked to the frustration of fundamental emotional needs like autonomy and relatedness (Pirrone et al., 2023).

Frustration is one of those significant unpleasant emotions which remind us that something which we value is unheard or unseen. These emotional signals help individuals recognize which specific needs are being threatened, resulting in us to either reduce or remove the resistance to fulfil our personal goals, drives, or needs. These are not superficial wants, but rather the foundation of our sense of stability and connection.

Repeated frustration of these needs evokes emotions like helplessness, sadness, and anger - meaningful responses to the environment that couldn't support us or made us feel invalidated. When we think about it this way, the feeling of frustration becomes less of an "overreaction" and more about signals of how the vital parts of us have gone unattended. This shows how frustration and other unpleasant emotions are important messengers rather than flaws. When we view our significant unpleasant emotions through the lens of understanding rather than judgement, we open space for healthier coping and repair behaviors.

The Push and Pull of Efforts

According to Yazdi et al. (2024), frustration activates the autonomic nervous system which results in increased arousal (fast heart rate, release of adrenaline, etc.) intensifying focus level, alertness, and physical energy which makes us persist till the challenge is tackled. Behavioral psychology also emphasizes that although the intensity and frequency of goal-directed behaviors increases, if an individual's influence and control on the outcome seems low, frustration might reduce effort.

In this case, continuing to put more and more effort when conditions for success have either changed or the goals have become unattainable can lead to wasted time and energy leading to feelings of helplessness and failure. In some cases, the burst of effort can also show up as aggression, anger, or other maladaptive behaviors leading to interpersonal conflicts and harm to relationships with others.

If the duration of the goal directed behaviors last for long without positive outcomes, the initial increase in motivation turns to the feelings of discouragement, learned helplessness, or disengagement which result in worsening mental health and self-morale.

How Our Body Feels Frustrated

The way frustration shows up in our body often includes muscle tension, rapid and shallow breathing, and a restless urge to fix or run away from whatever is causing discomfort. When this emotional intensity takes over, it can become so overwhelming that we lose focus on how to act, think, or feel.

This is when gentle practices like grounding techniques or mindful breathing come in. By focusing our attention mindfully on our breaths, the sensation we experience in our surroundings, we give our body and the mind a chance to relax. These exercises activate the calming parts of the nervous system and help us reconnect with the here and now resulting in relief from the distressing emotion.

Tiny Tricks That Rewire Big Feelings

One of the very helpful ways is to use the TIPP skills which change the chemistry of our body in order to reduce extreme emotions as quickly as possible by helping you do your tasks effectively.

Mindfulness That Actually Fits Your Life

Adding on to the above skill, TIPP is a skill which works like medicines work with physical concerns- as a cure. But how can we prevent ourselves from the intense feeling of frustration in our day-to-day life?

By adding one mindful habit to your daily routine- you can start small. It can be as simple as doing something while you're still in bed after waking up. As soon as you open your eyes, try a quick body scan- it's easy to do and takes only a few moments. During this scan, focus inward and just observe the sensation without trying to change them. Breathe deeply while doing so as this exercise helps you become aware of your bodily sensations and builds a gentle habit of tuning in before the day begins.

Learning Through the Pause

While concluding this I would like to mention that frustration is a signal, a messenger and not a flaw and it hints at the needs and the wants which have not been met or have been left unattended. It shows that you care because it arises when there is hope, value, or investment.

When the feeling of frustration meets with curiosity rather than judgement, it can help in your growth by helping you work towards what truly matters. As research on emotion regulation and interoception by Lazzarelli et al. (2024) shows, being able to mindfully notice frustration allows us to respond to it instead of reacting which helps in building emotional awareness, strengthening emotional resilience, deepening self-understanding, and restoring self-control over time.